


I Am Your God And In A Relationship With A Man But You Guys Are All Homophobic Assholes

by Bronzeflower



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Dave, Albino Karkat Vantas, Angry Karkat, Fluff, Happy Karkat, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:36:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3586581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bronzeflower/pseuds/Bronzeflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kids win SBURB and get their own world. However, it seems that the people on the world were extremely homophobic. To fix this, Karkat makes a speech at the front of a church and kisses Dave and it all somehow ends up on national televison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Your God And In A Relationship With A Man But You Guys Are All Homophobic Assholes

**Author's Note:**

> Pretend that the church is gigantic and has a whole bunch of people there.

“This is your god speaking.” A short albino with bright red eyes stood at the front of the church. He had messy hair and seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face. He was wearing a black sweater that had a gray cancer symbol on it and was at least two sizes too big for him, a pair of gray jeans, and a pair of ratty black tennis shoes with gray laces. The boy only looked like a sixteen year old boy, not like the god that he claimed to be.

The people in the church started whispering to each other when the boy walked up to the podium and yelled that he was the god that we worshipped. Whispers asking who the boy was scattered across the room with the occasional question about the boy’s mental stability.

“Shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say.” A collective gasp was heard as the boy cursed. A person yelling ‘Who are you?’ could be heard.

“My name is Karkat Vantas, and, as I said to you grubfucking shitnozzles earlier, I am one of your gods.” People started asking questions. ‘Karkat? What kind of a name is that?’ ‘Grubfucking?’ ‘Only one of our gods?’ A boy that looked the same age as Karkat walked to the front of the church. He was also an albino, but one could not see his eyes because of the sunglasses that he wore. His hair was neat, and he was wearing a long sleeved T-shirt that had a broken record on it. The sleeves were red and the rest was white. He wore black jeans and red tennis shoes. The boy walked up to Karkat and waved at him.

“Yo, Karkles. Are you going to do your speech anytime soon or are you just going to stand there looking as if someone pissed in your cheerios this morning.” The boy said. Karkat gave him a glare that was worthy of the god he said that he was. Meanwhile, the boy smirked as if he was not being stared at with a glare that had ‘smite’ written all over it.

“I am about to do the fucking speech, Dave. And don’t fucking call me Karkles.” Karkat cleared his throat before starting his so called ‘speech.’

“Ladies and gentlemen, nookwhiffers and shit sponges, my name is Karkat Vantas, and I am your god.” A quiet ‘I am too’ could be heard from Dave. “Lately, there has been something that you all do that upsets me.” At this point, the entire church was quiet, simply wondering what this boy had to say. 

“I have realized that you douche wads are a bunch of homophobic assholes that refuse to accept the fact that someone being gay is perfectly-fucking fine.” This caused a lot of outrage. Screams could be heard saying that gay people were going to hell and that the boy was going to hell as well. Then, as if Karkat had not heard the yelling and screaming coming from the people in the church, continued his speech, which still managed to be heard over the people in the church.

“This douche-nozzle over here is my matesprit.” Karkat pointed to Dave.

“You mean boyfriend.” Dave responded.

“Matesprit, boyfriend, whatever. The fact that we are in a relationship still stands.” Even more outrage could be heard, and some people tried to attack the boys, only to be knocked down by an e%tremely sweaty guy and a girl who wore a blue cat tail and hat.

Then, as if none of this commotion was going on, Dave and Karkat kissed in front of everyone in the church, stunning them into silence. After that, thirty-two children that were about sixteen years of age, including Karkat and Dave, were standing. They all started to glow and, when the glow dimmed down, they were all wearing pajamas. Some of them even had wings. Karkat suddenly had black hair and gray skin along with short, nubby, candy-corn colored horns on his head. Twenty-three of the other children suddenly had black hair, gray skin, and candy-corn colored horns as well. The other eight children looked the same aside from the colorful pajamas.

“We are your gods.” Karkat said as all of the children floated off the ground. “And all you fuckers need to pound into your sponge that being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. Being bisexual is fine. Being transgender is fine. Any sexuality is perfectly-fucking fine. Now stop being a bunch of ignorant dickmuffins and realize this. Goodbye.” All of the kids in pajamas flew off.

Later that night, Karkat’s speech could be heard on the news. No one knew who this boy was, or who the other children were, but Karkat’s speech became an inspiration for all the people who believed that homosexuality was not a sin. Eventually, everyone in the world was no longer homophobic. People could come out of the closet without having to worry about being judged.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I am so glad they got their fucking heads out o their asses and realized that liking the same gender is fine.” Karkat said to Dave.

“I’m happy as well. I mean, it would be kind of ironic to have gay lovers as your god when you are extremely homophobic.” Dave responded.

“And here I thought you loved irony.” Karkat grinned a little. Dave kissed him.

“I love you more than irony.” Dave said after breaking the kiss.

“I love you, too. Even if you do make cheesy lines like that all the time.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story. 7:)


End file.
